Texts From Last Night!

[borrowed_time]

1. The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.

2. Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.

3. And then I drew a line across his forehead with his own cum and whispered "simba"

4. How do I delete my drunk texts so sober me doesn't get mad?

5. Hey! Sorry I missed your text yesterday. Do you still need your EpiPen?

6. The only thought that went through my head was that it was going to be a total disaster. So of course I said yes.

7. Text her/misfire!

((Overflow Post))

Comments

3

[isak_cederstrom]

Points for creativity and hilarity.

Re: 3

[borrowed_time]

LOL He didn't seem to think so.

[isak_cederstrom]

Sounds like a -- what's that saying? A stick in the mud?

[borrowed_time]

Right?! Worse than you even! :P

[isak_cederstrom]

That's just rude. See if I'm ever nice to you ever again.

[borrowed_time]

You will be. You love me!

It's an inappropriate love that you can't even admit to yourself. It's okay though. I know.

[isak_cederstrom]

I don't even know how to reply to that, honestly. You make me sound like a sex offender!

[borrowed_time]

Can you be a sex offender if we didn't have sex? You've never even groped me or anything.

[isak_cederstrom]

Why would I grope you?!!? You really ARE making me out to be a sex offender. D:

[borrowed_time]

Can you be an offender if I wouldn't take offense?

[isak_cederstrom]

That can't be true; you wouldn't be offended if I just grabbed you inappropriately???

[borrowed_time]

Did you just use a semicolon in a txt? Nerd!

[isak_cederstrom]

I AM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR.

[borrowed_time]

For like what? another month!

[isak_cederstrom]

STILL COUNTS.

[borrowed_time]

Still a nerd tho!

[isak_cederstrom]

I made no claim to be anything else!